


Through the Cracks

by EdlundCarver



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Drama & Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-16 17:24:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3496619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdlundCarver/pseuds/EdlundCarver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak led a common life. He had a stable job, a fine apartment in a respectable neighborhood, and the promise of a safe, predictable future. But when Cas' best friend, Charlie, forces him to go out with her one Friday evening he meets a handsome, green-eyed stranger and an undeniable spark is ignited between the two. So why then does the stranger insist he's nothing but trouble?<br/>"I'm no good Cas. I'm not what you need, alright?" Cas shook his head, "How is it you figure you know what it is I need?" He didn't try to hide the irritability in his voice. "Just trust me okay?" Dean stood up and fished in his pocket. He pulled out a few bills and laid them on the bar top "I'm not what anybody needs."<br/>Through the Cracks is a story about falling in love, taking risks, and the impact a single person can have on someone's life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel reclined against the back of his rolling office chair and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. He had been sitting at his computer for what felt like hours now; punching numbers into the tiny boxes of the computer program that would later translate the information into a neat little graph, which he would send to his boss who would, in turn, send him yet another list of numbers to punch into the program so he could make yet another seemingly useless graph. He ran his hands down his face and peeked at the clock in the corner of his monitor's screen, it was two in the afternoon and he had gotten back from lunch around one-fifteen which meant he had only been back to working for forty-five minutes.

Forty. Five. Minutes.

"Oh God." Castiel groaned, letting his head fall back and squeezing his eyes shut. He hated this job.

"Ah, Cas, come on only two more hours and we're free." A familiar voice sounded behind him.

Cas opened his eyes and swiveled around to face Charlie who was smiling weakly at him. Her bright red hair was pulled into a low ponytail at the base of her neck and fell over her right shoulder, a stark contrast from the crisp white button-down shirt she wore today. Cas thought she looked funny in her office-dress-code-mandated business-casual attire. Charlie was Cas' best friend, his only real friend, he had several acquaintances, people he could chat lightly with over coffee in the break room, but he wasn't close to any of them like he was Charlie. She was genuine, and honest, and a little strange, and Cas loved her for it all.

"Yea, two more hours _today_ ," Cas retorted "And then we get to come back in and do it all again on Monday. And Tuesday. And every other weekday until we're sufficiently old and gray and they've all but sucked the life out of us." He wasn't feeling particularly on the sunny side today.

"Who took a crap on your breakfast bagel?" Charlie crossed her arms. Castiel rolled his eyes. "At least it's Friday." She reminded him cheekily before returning to her computer screen.

Friday. Yes, thank God, it _was_ Friday that meant as soon as the clock struck four, Cas was free from his cubicle for two whole days. Not that he planned to do anything, maybe sleep late or catch up on some reading, but the point was he would be anywhere but here straining his eyes, staring at a too-bright screen all day long.

Actually, the thought of a lazy weekend brightened Cas' mood, if even just the slightest bit. He began planning all the things he would not be doing starting the minute he got home. He would not be setting his alarm to wake him up at the ass-crack of dawn so he could catch two different trains to make it to work half way across the city, in fact, he would likely not be waking up at all before noon. When he did wake up, he would probably not brush his teeth or comb his hair. _Maybe_ he would change out of his pajamas? He doubted it. Cas decided he would not be leaving his apartment again before Monday morning if he could help it. A small smile was beginning to tug at the corners of his mouth as he finally began to resume the task of inserting data.

Cas numbed his brain so he could bear to finish the task set before him. He worked diligently, typing away at the numbers, and forced himself not to check the clock every two minutes. When he finally allowed himself a glance, he saw that it was coming up on 3:57. He saved his day's work, logged out of his account on the computer program, and brought up his time-clock, letting his cursor hover directly over the 'clock-out' icon, ready to strike as soon as the digital clock read 4:00 pm in 3...2...1... _click_.

Cas practically leaped from his seat, ready to bolt when he heard Charlie's voice again.

"Walk me out Cas?" She asked slinging her messenger bag over her shoulder, completely oblivious to the hurry he was in.

Cas willed himself not to sprint out the door, "Yea, sure," he rubbed the back of his neck.

They walked down the hall to the elevator side by side.

"So, wacha got goin' on this weekend?" Charlie inquired, reaching out to press the 'down' button on the wall next to the elevator doors.

"Nothing." Cas was practically ecstatic.

"Good," She smiled "Come out with me tonight for drinks?"

Cas felt his shoulders slump. Had she sensed his excitement about being able to be an absolute vegetable for the next 56 hours? Was this her sick idea of a joke?

" _No_ Charlie." He whined.

"Please, please, please Cas?" She gave him her best puppy-dog eyes.

"Charlie I _hate_ bars."

"Oh come on, it'll be fun!"

"You just want somebody to walk in with you. You always end up leaving me to try to pick up girls."

"So not true!" Charlie put a hand on her hip, clearly offended "I just think it's good for you to be around other people from time to time Mr. Antisocial." A bell dinged above their heads as the metal elevator doors slid open. The two bickering friends stepped inside and Cas leaned forward to press the button that would take them to the ground floor.

"Besides," Charlie continued "You never know. Maybe you'll meet someone this time?"

Cas thought back to all Charlie's past relationships that had begun from an encounter at a bar. None of them had ended on what anyone might call good terms. "I highly doubt that." He scoffed.

"Well then just come for me," she bargained "It'll just be two friends, drinking beers and talking about how much we hate our shitty job."

Cas let out a sigh. How many times had she said that very same thing only to abandon him fifteen minutes after their arrival to chase down a pretty waitress? But he loved Charlie like a little sister and wanted to see her happy, so in the end, he caved and gave her what she wanted, just like always.

"Fine," he conceded "I'll go."

"Awesome!" She sang, bouncing lightly on her toes.

Charlie slid her arm through Cas' as the elevator came to a stop. The pair stepped out and walked arm in arm across the sterile lobby of the office building and out the front door, a triumphant smile was plastered across Charlie's features and Cas couldn't help but smile a little too seeing her so happy.

"So I'll meet you at Ellen's around eight-thirtyish?" Charlie asked, releasing Cas' arm.

Ellen's was a casual, nothing-to-special bar that tended to get a lot of traffic on weekends. It was mostly people trying to unwind and forget their troubles after a long week of work, but for some reason, it was one of Charlie's favorite places to try to find someone new to call her girlfriend. But it had pretty amazing cheeseburgers, and wasn't far from where Cas lived so he never complained too much when she chose it as their meeting place.

"I'll meet you at _eight-thirty_." Cas eyed her playfully. "None of this 'ish' business. Don't make me stand outside all alone looking creepy waiting for you again."

"I won't, I promise!" She was lying and he knew it. "See you tonight Cas." And with that, she turned on her heel and walked away.

Two trains and six blocks later, Cas was finally back in his apartment, absent-mindedly thumbing through his closet for something to wear out with Charlie later that night. Even if he wasn't thrilled about having to spend his Friday evening at a bar playing wing man for his friend, he still wanted to look at least somewhat presentable going out on the town. He checked his watch: ten till six.

Ellen's was only a short walk away from Cas' apartment. He could get there in about fifteen minutes if he took his time, moving at a leisurely pace, ten minutes if he walked a little faster. He definitely wasn't running late so there was really no immediate hurry to choose an outfit, but Cas hoped if he got everything he needed ready now, maybe he could steal a few quiet moments alone before heading out to face the weekend crowd that would certainly be bustling by the time he arrived at his destination. He selected a simple, slate gray t-shirt and a pair of dark denim pants. It had been warm outside on the way home, he remembered, so there would be no need for any sort of jacket tonight.  
Cas stood in front of the mirror that hung on the back of his bedroom door and ran a hand through his dark, messy hair. He'd never been overly confident about his appearance, not that he disliked the way he looked, he just had never really seen anything terribly impressive about it either; but, he'd never had any trouble finding a partner so he figured he couldn't be all that bad. He cast one final glance at his reflection before grabbing his wallet, keys, and cell phone off of his dresser and stuffing them into his pockets. Cas made his way from the bedroom of his home through the living room and into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. As the cool, refreshing liquid washed over his tongue and down his throat he thought back to the last time he'd actually been in a relationship. It had been a while. Two years maybe, two and a half?

"Can't have been that long." Cas thought to himself aloud.

But it had been. Cas' last relationship had ended over two years ago when his then-boyfriend, Adam, had moved across the country to be closer to his family. Cas hadn't exactly been heartbroken, the relationship hadn't been a very serious one, Adam was just too young, but he was, to date, the last person Cas had been with in a very long time; he just wasn't a one night stand kind of guy. He thought about how Charlie had suggested that maybe he would be the one leaving the bar with a new beau tonight and he had to admit, it would be nice to have someone special in his life again. Not someone he met at a bar, obviously, he wasn't into the dating pool that he found there like Charlie was.

Cas mused over these things as he made his way to his couch. He sat down, turned on the television for white noise, and continued to sip his water, staring absently out his window at the city that was beginning to light up as dusk touched down. He stayed that way for quite some time before finally deciding he should make his way towards meeting his friend.

The air outside was cooler than it had been when Cas had arrived home and he briefly considered going back inside to grab a light jacket, but in the end, he decided against it and that the crisp air against his bare arms was more refreshing than uncomfortable. Block after block he trudged towards the bar, keeping his hands shoved in his pockets,observing the people around him. He wondered if maybe some of them were on their way to begrudgingly meet one of their friends somewhere too?

Cas could see Ellen's up ahead. It appeared to be crowded, just like he assumed it would be, but no where in the steady stream of people walking in and out of the building did he see Charlie. Not that he was terribly surprised. He felt of his phone in his left pocket and wondered if he should call and see where she was, but he knew exactly how that conversation would play out; _'I'm two minutes away Cas, I swear. Just wait outside, I'm so close. Two minutes, promise.'_ Cas rolled his eyes at the imaginary dialogue. He decided he might as well wait outside, just like imaginary Charlie had asked him to. He slumped against the brick wall at the far corner of the building and kept an eye out for her, waiting to see her flash of red hair bobbing along any time now.

Two minutes came and went. Then five. Ten. Eleven. Twelve...

Cas sighed and shook his head. He hadn't expected any different and was still disappointed. He continued his people watching, but now his focus had shifted from the people walking beside him on the street to the people filing in and out of the bar. All sorts of people were at Ellen's tonight, some Cas had never seen before, but of course all the regulars were there too, like Ash who'd been going back and forth between inside and out several times in the past fifteen minutes Cas had been waiting for Charlie to arrive. His cringe worthy, outdated hair cut and sleeveless tee-shirt put Cas in an easier mood; Ash was a good guy. Cas was pretty sure he'd spotted Bobby walk in a moment ago as well, he'd recognize his signature ball-cap and worn out blue jean look anywhere. Cas especially liked Bobby. He was always friendly, although almost everything he said was tinged with sarcasm, but that didn't take away from the fact that he was full of excellent advice when it was needed. A small smile played on Cas' lips, maybe he didn't mind spending his evening here as much as he'd originally thought?

Cas continued to scan the mass of people until his eyes landed on someone he'd never seen before. It was a girl, and she was very pretty, beautiful really. She had long blonde hair that fell in spirals down her back, fair, flawless skin, and her sparkling blue eyes were accentuated by her smile that made them crinkle at the edges as she stared into the face of the, equally as handsome, young man that she was with, her boyfriend Cas presumed. He was tall, well over six feet, had long shaggy brown hair, and his smile was just as infectious as the pretty blonde girl's as he leaned down to plant a chaste kiss on her lips. _'Of course'_ Cas thought to himself _'All the cute one's are straight.'_ But even he had to admit they made a very beautiful couple.

Cas found himself still watching the pair, they looked so happy together. He could see their lips move as they spoke back and forth to one another, but couldn't hear anything they were saying. It looked as if the girl was asking her boyfriend a question as he craned his neck one way, and then another, as if he were searching the crowd of people for an answer. He must have found it, Cas observed, as he watched the boy's mouth move like he was calling out to someone and then waved them over with his arm.

Reflexively, Cas' eyes moved in the direction the boy's attention seemed to have been turned to as he searched himself for who he might have been summoning. Cas couldn't pick any one certain person out at first, but then, a second man stepped forward to join the two love birds.

And for a moment, Cas was certain his heart stopped beating.

As handsome as the boy who had come tonight with the pretty blonde girl was, he couldn't possibly compare to the man who had just appeared. The first thing Castiel noticed about him were his eyes, Cas had never seen a shade of green exactly like them. They were so much brighter than his muted green military jacket that accentuated the broadness of his shoulders. His dark blonde hair was cut short, but was groomed very nicely, and his smile, although not quite as blinding as the boy or girl's, made Cas' stomach feel as though it were full of feathers.

Panic, hot and dense, suddenly replaced the feathers as Cas searched frantically for another person to come forward and take the vacant spot at the man's side, but relief washed over him when the group exchanged a look and a few words that made it seem that everyone was accounted for and that no one else would be joining them, not at the moment anyhow.

Cas didn't believe in love at first sight, but he was fairly positive that the person standing a few yards away, was the most beautiful man he had ever seen.

"I'm here!"

Charlie's voice behind him nearly caused Cas to jump out of his skin. He whirled his body around so quickly she took a step back, throwing her hands up in mock defense.

"Whoa there," She smiled "Easy boy. Didn't mean to spook ya."

Cas blinked at her, trying to break the spell the handsome stranger had put him under, "Sorry..." he apologized, trying his best to snap out of it "I was, uh, I just saw, erm, something just caught my eye for a minute." He turned to look back at the spot that the _something_ had just been standing in, to find it empty. Not even the happy couple were anywhere he could still see, and Cas' heart dropped to his feet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well your mamma kept you  
> But your daddy left you  
> And I should've done you just the same  
> But I came to love you  
> Am I born to bleed?  
> I got a love that keeps me waiting  
> Waiting, waiting - Lonely Boy, The Black Keys

Charlie looked past Cas trying to pinpoint exactly what had him so enraptured, but didn't see anything particularly interesting.

"Oo _kay_..." She eyed him suspiciously "Well let's get in and grab a table, the place is filling up quick."

Cas and Charlie meandered through the people standing outside and finally made their way into the building. Charlie had wanted to sit at the bar, but Cas insisted they be seated at a table close to the entrance. He figured sitting there might give him a better vantage point to scope out the place, and that if this was where the gorgeous stranger and his friends had chosen to disappear into, that he would be able to spot him easier.

He could hear Charlie's voice as she talked incessantly, but he wasn't really paying attention to anything she was saying. Occasionally, Cas would grunt in response to her jabbering as he thoroughly looked over the faces of every patron he could see, but none of them were beautiful enough to be the man he had spotted outside.

"Have you even heard a damn word I've been saying?"

"Hm? Oh, yea. Of course." Cas was brought back to reality as his eyes refocused on Charlie's accusing face. "You know I have Charlie..."

Charlie leaned back, unconvinced. "You suck ass at lying. What the hell's got you so spaced tonight?"

Cas swallowed hard, if he told Charlie the truth she'd spend the rest of the night making it her mission to corner the man Cas had seen so she could force the two of them to talk. If there was one thing Charlie loved as much as chasing girls for herself, it was playing match maker for Cas. She meant well he knew, but she could come on a bit strong at times and this was one potential flame Cas did not want scared off. He was more than relieved when a waitress came to take their order, giving him a few extra minutes to come up with a believable excuse as to why he was acting so strange.

"Hi. My name's Meg, I'm your waitress. It's my job to bring you things, any ideas what that might include?"

How this girl even obtained a job as a server was beyond Cas' comprehension. She exuded an atmosphere of disdain for human beings other than herself and her face was fixed in a permanent expression of exasperation. She might have been pretty had it not been for her attitude, Cas thought. Her wavy brown hair was thrown into a messy pony-tail with a few tendrils that had fallen out, now framing her heart-shaped face and creamy skin. Cas turned to share a look revealing his dissatisfaction for the girl with Charlie, but found that the waitress' less than sunny disposition had been lost on his friend. One look at Charlie and Cas knew she was gone. This Meg would be the object of her desire for tonight, possibly the next few weeks if she couldn't win her over in time before they left.

Cas rolled his eyes. "Just a beer please."

"Sure," Meg drawled, unamused "What about you Red?" She turned her attention to Charlie, raising one eyebrow fiestily, glancing her up and down.

One thing was certain, Cas thought, Meg knew who to work for her tips.

"Um, yea, beer." Charlie laughed nervously, never taking her eyes off Meg's smug face "Beer's good. I like beer."

"Alright. Two beers, coming right up." Meg smirked at Charlie, suddenly a bit more friendly, and turned to go retrieve the beverages.

"Groovy!" Charlie called after her eagerly before the realization dawned on her of what she had just said.

Cas had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing, Charlie was just so smooth. She turned her attention back on Cas.

"What the actual fuck? Why did I say that Cas?" She whined, a shade of red reminiscent of her hair was beginning to creep onto her cheeks.

"I don't know?" He smiled "I guess you thought she was pretty far out?"

"Stop!" She covered her face with her hands "Holy moly though, she was way past far out...She was like, completely gone."

"Out of sight?" Cas continued to tease.

Charlie shot him a glare that let him know she did not find him funny at all. Cas just shrugged, he was just glad the topic of conversation wasn't about his current infatuation any longer. He'd never stopped searching for the green eyed man, but so far his efforts had not been fruitful. The night was young though, and where else could he and his friends have gone to so quickly other than inside the bar? Cas was sure he was around somewhere, he must have looked over him the dozen or so times he'd scanned the crowd. He _had_ to be in here.

"Here ya go." Meg still spoke only to Charlie as she sat two beers down on the table "Anything else I can do here?" Her words were laced with innuendo.

Cas wrinkled his nose.

"I'll let you know." Charlie held Meg's gaze with equal intensity trying to redeem herself of her earlier attempt at flirting. She kept her eyes on Meg the entire time she walked away, watching as she swayed her hips a little more than necessary. When she was finally out of sight, Charlie turned to look at Cas with pleading eyes, she didn't even need to say anything, he knew that look. He'd seen it a million times.

"I thought tonight was just gonna be two friends hanging out?" He raised an eyebrow. Cas had every intention of letting Charlie pursue the girl, it would give him more of a chance to search out his own love interest, but he wanted to give her a fair amount of ribbing before he let her go.

"Dude, I get that you're not into chicks and all, but seriously, even you have to realize how hot she was right?" Charlie reasoned "And she was totally giving me the eyes Cas. I can't pass this up!"

Cas reclined in his chair, crossing his arms and giving Charlie a very skeptical look.

"Pleeease Cas?" She squeaked.

Cas relaxed his posture and gave a little laugh "You really are something else Charlie Bradbury."

"You're the best Cas!" She leaned across the small round table to plant a kiss on his cheek before jumping out of her seat, "Don't wait up on me. You're free to recluse back to your apartment for the rest of the weekend now if you want." She said the last part over her shoulder as she made her way to find where Meg had sauntered off to.

Normally, that is exactly what Cas would have done once Charlie had found someone she wanted to sink her claws into, but tonight, Cas had intentions of his own. He sipped his drink as he surveyed the room again for the hundredth time that night. Ellen's was almost always popular on the weekends, but tonight it was completely packed. For a moment, Cas wondered what the maximum capacity for the building might be? He was certain though, whatever it was, that they were dangerously close to reaching it; he couldn't even see across to the other end of the bar. Shoulder to shoulder people stood, smiling and laughing as they talked and drank and munched on salty snacks.

Cas saw pretty girls, flashing their teeth and cleavage, leaning against handsome boys, trying to find someone to go home with or maybe just to buy them their next beer. He saw people in white, collared shirts, with their ties loosened around their necks and their hair let down nursing stiff drinks in an attempt to take the edge off after a stressful week at their dreadful jobs. He saw grumpy old men sitting slumped at the tables near him, the tops cluttered with empty bottles, swapping stories of when times were simpler, and wondering exactly when things began changing around them. Cas could see all different kinds of people squeezed in together tonight. He saw so many people they were all beginning to blend together and look very much alike. The sound of so many voices would have been loud anyway, but the alcohol beginning to work in everyone's systems had been helping raise the volume ever so subtly all evening until Cas could barely hear the staticy music the bar constantly played throughout the establishment; it was all beginning to give him a headache.

The bottle of beer Cas had been swigging from was nearly gone, and he turned it up to drink the last drop. He sat it down and grabbed up the one Charlie had long since abandoned and began drinking it. He didn't want to have to get up and fight his way through the crowd to look for the man, but he was beginning to realize that it was going to be near impossible to find him from where he was sitting. Cas took a long swallow of the smooth, amber liquid and prepared to face the mess of buzzed bar patrons. Clutching his drink close to him, he heaved himself out of his seat and began his journey across the room.

It was a tight squeeze to say the least and for Cas, who would sooner have his thumbs broken than be touched unnecessarily by strangers, it was the closest he had ever came to physical torture, apart from being forced to work in his cubicle forty hours a week so he could make rent.

After a few minutes of rubbing elbows, and other body parts, with sweaty men and women, Cas had finally made it to where the pool tables sat. A few people were attempting to play, but for the most part it was too crowded to be wielding the long, wooden cue sticks. A quick once over of the area let Cas know who he was looking for was not here. He continued across the floor, stretching his neck, trying to get a view over the heads of the other people, but it was no use.

He made it to the opposite end of the building from where he had started. There was a light that had burned out and it was closer to the restrooms, so there weren't as many people standing around back here as there were closer to the front. The man he was looking for was nowhere to be seen here either, but Cas could see a couple over in the far corner, all wrapped up in a very heated embrace. At least someone was having a bit of luck tonight he thought, somewhat bitter.

Cas was beginning to lose hope. Maybe he'd imagined the man? Or maybe he had simply seen him with the eyes of someone who hadn't been touched in so long, that he'd imagined him to be much more than he actually was? Maybe Cas had looked over him a hundred times already because no one could possibly be as gorgeous as the person he'd thought he saw out front? Maybe it was just time to throw in the towel and head home?

To say he was disappointed would have been an understatement. Cas usually didn't get worked up over love lost, especially when he didn't even know if the possible love had even been real or not. And maybe it was because he'd had such a shitty week, or maybe it was the fact that he already had two alcoholic beverages in his system, but he was upset to say the least.

"To hell with it." Cas muttered to himself and began to push his way towards the bar top in the center of the building, much to the protest of the people who happened to get in his way. He was in a bad mood, he was already in a bar, might as well get something a little stronger than beer to help him numb his brain.

"Bourbon, neat." He told the bartender as he climbed onto the tall stool.

The man gave him a little nod, poured a splash of the dark liquid into a tumbler and slid it to Cas who immediately began sipping it. He savored the way it burned his throat on the way down and warmed him from the inside out.

He hoped at least Charlie had been able to make her conquest tonight.

If he hadn't let her drag him out tonight, if they hadn't had Meg as their waitress, if he hadn't gotten so fed up from having been pressed against one too many strangers, hadn't ended up at the bar with a glass of whiskey, and if the idiot at the far left corner of the bar top hadn't toppled off his stool, causing everyone to jerk their heads in the direction of all the commotion, Castiel might have never noticed he was sitting only one seat away from the green eyed stranger who, as it turned out, was every bit as beautiful as Cas had thought he'd been the first time he saw him.

Suddenly, Cas' throat was very dry. All night long, he'd been seeking out this man and now that he was here, not even three feet away from him, Cas had no idea what to do.

_'Say something!'_ A voice in his head screamed _'Say anything! Don't just sit there!'_

_'You don't even know if he likes men or not!'_ Another voice protested _'He could very well punch your lights out for assuming he's gay.'_

_'You'll never know if you don't try, and you've been looking for him all night. You can't back out now!'_ The gentler voice urged

_'He's way out of your league...'_ Reminded the hostile voice.

"Gee, thanks for the confidence boost." Cas grumbled to himself.

"Sorry?" Came a deep voice from beside him.

Cas snapped his head in the direction the voice had come from to find stunning emerald eyes staring directly at him. Oh God, had he been talking to himself out loud? How much exactly had he said? What should he do now? Don't panic. Breathe. Speak. Speak. Speak!

"Hey man, are you alright?" Green Eyes leaned towards Cas ever so slightly.

Cas blinked rapidly, willing the mass of words stuck somewhere in his throat to travel up and out of his mouth, hopefully in the form of a coherent sentence.

"Uhm," He cleared his throat "Sorry, I uh, sometimes I talk to myself without realizing..."

"Talking to yourself already, huh?" The man smiled and Cas' chest fluttered "You sure you need that then?" He gestured to the drink in Cas' hand, before taking a sip of his own liquor.  
Cas rotated the tumbler, eyeing the fluid as it swirled inside the glass "Probably not." He admitted before turning the bourbon upside down and finishing it in one gulp, "Do you really need that one?"

The man chuckled darkly, peering into the glass in his hand "Hell yes."

Cas considered ordering another whiskey, the first one was already beginning to pump through his veins, helping make him bold and he figured he could use all the courage a bottle could offer. He decided against it though, he didn't want to start getting drunk, he needed to keep his wits about him and wanted to remember every detail about his conversation with this handsome stranger. Like the way even though his smile never quite reached his eyes, it still caused fine little lines to form at their corners. Or the fact that when he'd laughed it had been low and breathy and rough. Cas wondered what it would sound like when the man laughed full and loud? Sitting this close, Cas was even able to see a light smattering of freckles that ghosted across his nose and tops of his cheeks. He wanted so badly to be able to reach out, take the man's face between his hands, and brush the pads of his thumbs across them.

"Rough day?" Cas asked, picking up on the bitter tones laced in the humorless laugh.

The man took another drink and stretched his lips across his teeth, making a smacking sound with his tongue against the roof of his mouth, "Guess you could say something like that. Rough last few days really."

Cas' brow creased with earnest concern. He didn't want the beautiful stranger to have to have bad days, "Well, I hope they start getting better." He said genuinely.

The man nodded in agreement, "I appreciate it."

Cas bit the inside of his lip, mulling over what he should say next. In the end, he decided simplicity would be the most effective strategy. He angled himself on his bar stool so he was facing the man, quirked his lips up into sort of a half smile, took a breath, and stated simply:

"I'm Cas."

The man turned his face towards Cas. He smiled that same smile; warm and genuine and kind, but not overly enthused. Then, he turned his attention back to the tumbler full of liquor.

"Cas." He repeated, with no other reaction.

Cas couldn't tell if the stranger had said it as a question or a statement, and the lack of further response was making him nervous. Maybe he didn't want to talk to Cas like Cas wanted to talk to him? Maybe Cas was getting on his nerves. Maybe he thought Cas was a stupid name? Oh God, or worse, maybe he thought it was a girl's name?

"My actual name is Castiel Novak," He rushed to add "My best friend, Charlie, she's the one who started calling me Cas, and it just kind of stuck. I've never really loved it or anything I've just gotten used to it I guess." He was talking fast, panicking. For as well as he felt like their conversation had gone a minute ago, Cas was afraid it was all going down-hill now. He cursed himself for his pathetic flirting abilities.

The stranger smiled a little wider so that he was flashing a row of perfectly straight, white teeth; still looking away from Cas down at his drink.

"I don't know, I kinda like it." Now he was smiling at Cas, who felt like he'd developed a sudden murmur in his heart.

The man looked back down to his whiskey one last time. Briefly, an expression crossed his face that made him look as if he were debating something, before he tossed the remnants of the glass down his throat with a quick swallow and a stiff wrist.

"I'm Dean." He smiled at Cas.

Dean. It was a simple, no fuss name, just one syllable. Cas thought it suited the man though, he didn't seem flashy or loud himself. He was handsome in a rugged type of way someone named Dean would be.

"Dean." Cas echoed, partly just so he could hear himself say the name and feel it as it rolled perfectly off his tongue. "Did you come by yourself tonight, Dean?" He asked as if he didn't already know.

"No, actually, my brother Sam and his wife Jess dragged me out," Dean confessed, "But Jess got called into work and Sam had to drive her so," He left the sentence unfinished.

"She got called in at this hour?" Cas questioned.

"She's a nurse," Dean clarified before flagging down the bartender to order a beer for himself "I told them I'd catch a cab. Might as well grab a drink or two while I'm already out, huh?" He smirked, taking a swig from the dark brown bottle.

"Believe me, I understand." Cas rolled his eyes at the thought of his best friend, but reminded himself to actually thank her for making him come out the next time he spoke to her. "My friend I mentioned earlier, Charlie, she forced me out tonight."

"Yea? What happened to her?"

"She found a cute waitress she'd much rather spend her Friday night with." Cas smiled even as he said it. He didn't fault her.

"Damn." Dean laughed, shaking his head "Sorry man."

Cas glanced down at the ground "I don't know," He smiled shyly "Could be worse."

They talked that way for hours. People continued to wonder in and out of the bar as the night went on, moving and swaying and shuffling around them. But Dean and Cas never moved other than, at some point during the evening, Dean had moved to occupy the empty bar stool that had separated them up until that point. The conversation flowed easily between the two of them, there was never an awkward pause and the topics never felt forced. Cas learned that, even though he was the one who was already married, Sam was Dean's younger brother and that it had been primarily Dean who had raised little Sammy from the time they were young.

"After mom died, Dad took a job where he traveled a lot." Dean explained "Not that he was winning any Father of the Year awards even when he was home."

"That must have been hard." Cas couldn't imagine having to be responsible for another person now, let alone at such a young age.

"Yea," Dean rubbed the back of his neck "But he's got a job, a smokin' hot wife, he's about to graduate law school, so I must've done something right."

Dean learned that Cas came from a big family, but that it was no less dysfunctional than his own. Cas had two older siblings, Michael and Anna, one younger brother, Samandriel, and while their parents had always been around, they had never really paid any of the four children much attention. The entire family was very distant, and when they were together they usually fought.

Not everything they talked about that evening was so heavy though. Dean told Cas about how much he loved to work on cars, especially his own. It turned out, Dean was a mechanic and he actually worked for Bobby. Cas expressed his envy of Dean being able to do something he loved for a living, emphasizing just how much he really hated his job working in an office, making little charts and graphs all day every day.

"Not into the white-collar scene?" Dean teased.

"It pays the bills," Cas raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders "But, not particularly, no."

Dean crossed his arms and leaned slightly towards Cas, who could smell the mixture of engine oil and musky cologne and whisky coming from him. He licked his lips involuntarily.

"So what do you like to do?" Dean asked.

Cas scoffed a little "I don't know? Nothing. Well, nothing you can make money at anyway."

"Come on, humor me." Dean uncrossed his arms and leaned away from Cas again "Everybody's got something they love to do. So, what is it Cas?"

Castiel looked down self-consciously. A shy smile crept across his features, accentuated by the pink hue his cheeks were taking on "It's silly. You'll laugh."

"What it's not like, stamp collecting or something is it?"

"No! It isn't stamp collecting." Cas eyed Dean suspiciously, not fully trusting him not to make fun of his passion "I...like to cook." He answered sheepishly.

Dean made a confused face "Cooking isn't silly? I like to eat. Somebody's gotta cook or I can't eat. Lot's of people make a career out of cooking." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, like he couldn't understand why Cas hadn't figured all of this out before now. "Maybe one day you could own your own place?" Dean went on "You can be the head chef or whatever. Walk into that job you hate, say 'fuck it', give em' the finger and just leave to start your own restaurant. That's what I'd do."

Cas couldn't help but laugh, it was a romantic notion of course, one he'd fantasized about more than he cared to admit. But he knew he'd never really do it, that just wasn't the kind of thing he did. Cas wasn't someone to just leave a stable, well-paying job to chase a dream that might never come true. He wasn't the type of person to do anything without careful thought and planning first, but he just nodded his head.

"Maybe someday I will?"

Dean and Cas spent the rest of the evening smiling and laughing; sharing stories about things they'd done in the past and things they'd like to do in the future, most of them things they'd only ever dream about. Cas was absolutely elated. The more he learned about Dean, the more attractive he became. Dean was nothing like Cas, he seemed adventurous and exciting and spontaneous. He was handsome and charming, but at the same time, enigmatic. It all made Cas swoon. He'd never connected with someone so easily, although, even after spending the last several hours interacting, the topic of whether Dean liked men, or women, or both, or neither, had yet to come up. But Cas was almost positive Dean was feeling the same way he did. How could he not be?

The pair had still not moved from their seats when the bar tender finally announced last call. Cas knew he had to make a move, and soon. He wasn't going to let himself leave tonight without at least knowing if he'd even stood a chance in the first place. He felt his adrenaline pumping inside him, causing his hands to tremble slightly and his legs to feel numb. It was now or never.

"I had a really good time tonight Dean," He feigned casualty "You're easy to talk to."

"You too Cas." Dean grinned as he began slipping his jacket over his arms.

Cas felt his palms start to sweat, his heart felt like it was trying to shatter his ribs and escape his chest. If he didn't spit it out, he knew he'd chicken out.

"If you ever wanted to do this again? Maybe grab some coffee or lunch..." He let the question hang.

Dean stopped fussing with his jacket. His face became more serious as he looked away from Cas and down at his own chest. He ran a hand across his mouth and down his chin.

_Shit._ How could Cas have misread this situation so horribly? Had he been spending time with someone else all night? Someone who hadn't appeared to enjoy the conversations they had shared? Someone besides the Dean who now looked utterly disappointed that Cas had just asked him out? How could they have had such undeniable chemistry and not be meant for one another? Or had Cas imagined that too? Was he really that desperate for a new relationship? _Shit. Shit. Shit._

"I-I'm sorry." Cas stuttered "It's just, I thought. Fuck." Humiliated wasn't the word "I didn't realize you weren't..." Why couldn't the ground just swallow him up?

"Shit, it's not that." Dean pressed his mouth into a straight line and creased his forehead "I am. I mean," He let out a heavy sigh "Look, I had a good time tonight too, one of the best time's I've had in a while to be honest." He looked away, trying to decide what to say next. When he turned his face back to Cas, he wore that same sleepy smile that had driven Cas wild earlier, "I do like you Cas, I think that much was obvious at least. I just..."

Cas' mouth felt dry. He wasn't sure what to make of Dean's rambling. "I don't understand..." He said slowly.

"I'm no good Cas. I'm not what you need, alright?"

A spark of annoyance lit in Cas' stomach. He'd spent all evening with Dean, talking and laughing, and now he knew he hadn't imagined that they'd both enjoyed themselves. He hadn't imagined the way Dean had looked at him, or the way he'd leaned in just a little closer than necessary to listen to Cas tell his stories, and now he wanted to blow Cas off because he was 'no good for him'?

Cas shook his head, "How is it you figure you know what it is I need?" He didn't try to hide the irritability in his voice.

"Just trust me okay?" Dean stood up and fished in his pocket. He pulled out a few bills and laid them on the bar top "I'm not what anybody needs." He turned to leave, but stopped before he took the first step.

Cas stared, confused and a bit angry at Dean's back. Not so deep down, he was hoping he might turn around and tell Cas he'd changed his mind. And Dean did turn around.

"I didn't mean to lead you on. Like I said, I was just having such a good time." He shrugged apologetically, before turning to leave again but this time, he didn't hesitate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New update coming next Wednesday with no unforeseen bad luck!


	3. Chapter 3

_If you risk nothing, then you risk everyhting. - Geena Davis_  
________________________________________________________________

Cas continued the rest of his weekend in the same state of confusion and annoyance that he'd left the bar in after Dean had rejected him. He'd played scenes from the night over and over in his mind, trying to pinpoint the exact moment, or any moment, that might have signified Dean wasn't interested in him. But for all his efforts, Cas couldn't think of any real reason Dean didn't want to see him again. All Cas could remember about that evening was how captivated he had been every time Dean had spoken and how he had listened to Cas with equal interest when it was his turn to talk. He remembered green eyes forming into little slits when Dean would laugh at one of Cas' jokes and the way his own cheeks had been sore at the end of the night as well from smiling too much. He remembered talking for hours, and never about the same thing twice. Cas remembered a perfect opportunity to start something new and wonderful.

So why had Dean turned him down?

The question haunted him through Saturday as well. He'd planned to sit around in his sweats, watching old movies and eating take-out that day, but that felt too much like moping after what happened at the bar. Cas wasn't about to mope over something that hadn't even been given the chance to turn into anything. But _why_ hadn't it been given the chance? That was what bothered him. Cas pushed the thought out of his mind, he had better things to do.

He tried calling Charlie to see if she wanted to go to lunch with him, or maybe even head out again that night, but his calls remained unanswered. Cas could only assume that meant she'd succeeded in ending up in Meg's bed this morning. He sighed, maybe he should looking into becoming a one night stand kind of guy? Normally he didn't mind being alone, he enjoyed it, but he was really counting on Charlie to fill the silence with nonsensical chatter today before his brain had a chance to fill it with questions and images of freckles and blonde hair.

Cas grabbed a light coat and headed out the door without a clear destination in mind. He walked down the un-crowded streets, it was still too early on a Saturday morning for most people, and let the fresh air fill his lungs. He went window shopping at the mall, ate lunch at his favorite cafe, caught a matinee movie, visited a couple of book stores, he listened to a whiny acoustic band play as he sipped coffee at a local shop. Cas did anything he could think of to busy his mind that day, because any spare moment that came up in between activities allowed the burning question _'why'_ to invade his head. Cas arrived back at his apartment that evening, tired and ready for bed. But even as he climbed beneath the sheets, his thoughts began racing. He slept with the TV blaring that night.

Sunday didn't bring much relief for Cas either. He'd done almost everything that entertained him yesterday, and with most shops being closed on Sunday's, he had nothing to do and nowhere to go. Cas settled for finishing odd jobs he actually knew how to do around his home. He oiled his squeaky bedroom door hinge, he changed the burned-out light bulb in his coat closet, and he organized and reorganized his kitchen cabinets, before he finally ran out of ideas for things he could tinker with next. His only comforting notion was that tomorrow was Monday, and he had never been so glad to be able to get back to the mind numbing task of data insertion.

On Monday morning, Cas arrived at work early. Seeing as he was the first person in the office, he put on a pot of coffee in the break room and took a seat around the small table that sat close to the windows to wait for both his caffeine fix and someone to talk to.

It was beginning to rain outside. Cas watched the drops of water dripping and racing down the window panes, placing imaginary bets in his mind about which droplet would make it to the bottom of the glass first. He felt so foolish. A man he had never met before in his life had suggested they wouldn't be a good match for one another three days ago, and he was still pining over it. It wasn't like this was the first time in his life he'd ever been rejected, why couldn't he just get over it already?

"Stop being so pathetic." He told himself as he stood to pour a cup of fresh, steaming coffee.

Cas sipped the hot beverage cautiously. He checked his watch, there was still twenty minutes before he had to officially clock in. Steam rose from the cup he held between his hands and swirled in the air in front of his eyes before disappearing into nothingness. _'I'm no good Cas. I'm not what you need, alright?'_ The phrase had been playing on repeat in Cas' brain all weekend. What the hell had Dean meant when he said that? Maybe that's what bothered Cas about the situation; the fact that the other man had been so vague in his response to Cas' proposal? Dean seemed like a really great guy, what about him could possibly be so terrible? Was is just the mystery of it all that had been keeping Cas up at night? He groaned.

At 8:00 am, Cas was finally able to begin his work day. He sat down at his desk, typed his log in information into his computer, and waited for the ancient piece of technology to boot up so he could begin his routine. He punched his time clock, checked his email, browsed the web for news, and logged onto the computer program where he would spend the remainder of his day. By the time Cas was settled in, it was nearly twenty minutes passed the hour and Charlie was still nowhere to be seen. She was lucky they worked for such a large corporation, Cas thought, or else someone might notice how she doctored her time clock almost every day to hide the evidence of her chronic tardiness.

Cas began filling in the empty data boxes. It was a task he was familiar enough with by now, he could do it with minimum thought required, but just for today he wished he could switch his brain off auto pilot so he could concentrate on something besides the events of last Friday night. He was grateful when he finally heard Charlie shuffling around behind him, getting situated in her own space. Cas spun in his chair to be able to talk with her face to face, but one look at the stupid, spacey grin she was staring at her computer with, let him know that talking to Charlie would not bring him the relief from his obsession he was looking for.

He contemplated avoiding the subject for as long as possible, but figured maybe if they went ahead and talked about it now, they could move on to different topics for the rest of their time together.

"Look at you," He clicked his tongue in mock disappointment, breaking Charlie from her day dreams "Got that fresh-fucked look. Did you spend all weekend with that waitress or have you been a busy girl?"

Charlie smiled cheekily over her shoulder, raising one eyebrow "A lady never kisses and tells."

"Well lucky for me, I'm talking to you right now." Cas scoffed. Of course he didn't really think poorly of his friend for enjoying casual sex, teasing her was all in good fun, and she knew that.

"Yes, how lucky for you," She turned to face him fully now "And lucky for me, Meg isn't too much of a classy lady either. But believe me, Cas, she's _all_ woman." The look in Charlie's eyes was positively devilish.

Cas had to stifle a laugh, his best friend really had no shame.

"So you have been with her? All weekend? That would explain why you never answered my calls."

"Yeaa, sorry about that." Charlie drawled, completely unapologetic "But dude, we could barely keep our hands off each other. We didn't even make it out of the bar before we started making out! Only made it as far as the back of the room where the light's burned out." She said it so triumphantly.

Cas thought back to when he had been combing the bar looking for Dean, realization slowly dawned on him "That was you two groping each other in the corner?"

"That was _you_ staring at us like a creepy pervert?" Charlie shot back.

"I wasn't staring creepily, I was staring disgustedly."

"Well be disgusted all you want, but I'm meeting her again this weekend so," She raised her middle finger at Cas.

Charlie's euphoric mood seemed to seep out into the atmosphere around her, it even helped Cas lighten up somewhat.

"Do you like her?" He asked sincerely, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips.

"I don't know," Charlie gave a shy smile of her own "I might?"

Cas smiled wide at his friend. She was in a good mood, the kind that came from more than just a good lay. He liked seeing her this way, even if the less than friendly waitress from the bar was the reason why.

"So," She continued "How did the rest of your weekend go after I bailed?"

Cas chewed his lip. Surprisingly enough, their conversation so far had been a good means of keeping him distracted, but now Charlie wanted to know about what had happened to him while she had been on hiatus. He could always lie? Not even lie really, he could just leave out all the parts about Dean and how he had inexplicably rejected him after a near perfect evening. Cas had done other things over the weekend, lots of other things besides obsess over Dean's mysterious behavior, maybe he could just tell her about those? It didn't hardly seem fair though, keeping secrets from his best friend when she was always so transparent with him.

Honestly though, when was life ever fair?

"Nothing really." He said, trying a bit too hard to sound bored.

Charlie let out an exasperated sigh "Seriously Cas, you're a piss poor liar." She pursed her lips "Now spill."

Being at work was so much different from being out at a bar. With no hope of anything or anyone coming along to divert her attention, Cas knew he was going to have to let Charlie in on how his weekend had went. He tried to convince himself that maybe talking to her about it would be a good thing, that getting it off his chest and out in the open would somehow help ease his mind. Or, at the very least, maybe Charlie would be able to offer some insight about the situation. While she and Cas had both had their fair share of romantic partners, of the two of them, she was by far more experience when it came to the why's and how's of hook ups and relationships.

"Well..." Cas scratched his scalp, trying to decide how to begin his story "I met someone...kind of."

"No!" Charlie's jaw dropped "Cas, that's not 'nothing really', that's definitely a something! Where did you meet him? At the bar? Or did you go somewhere else after I left? Did you guys hook up? Wait, of course you didn't, I forgot you 'don't do hook ups'. Whatever. Are you gonna see him again? Is he cute? Can I meet him? Did you-"

"Charlie!' Cas grasped her shoulders in an attempt to stop her endless string of questions "Calm down," He looked her in the eyes "I'll tell you everything."

"Right. Sorry." Charlie trapped Cas' cheeks between her hands and gently squeezed them, causing his lips to protrude slightly. She smiled "I'm calm. Now, fill me in."

Cas backed out of her grasp and raked a hand through his dark, messy hair, "Well, his name is Dean." He began.

"Dean, alright. That's a solid, manly name."

"That's what I thought. Anyway, we met at Ellen's. I saw him outside while I was waiting for you."

"Right."

"After you left to chase down Meg, I got up to see if I could find him."

"Okay."

"I found him sitting at the bar, and, we talked."

"How'd that go?" Charlie raised her eyebrows, her smile becoming more mischievous.

Cas turned his palms up before smacking them against his knees "It went amazing. We talked for hours, about everything practically."

"Like What?" Charlie inquired.

"Just, everything. Our friends, our families, what we like, what we hate, our jobs. He's a mechanic, like, for cars. He works for Bobby."

"Ball-cap Bobby?"

"Yea, Ball-cap Bobby. We just talked and talked. It was nice. It sort of felt like we'd always known each other. We talked until they pretty much kicked us out." Cas said with a vague, wistful look in his eyes.

"Awwww." Charlie rested her elbows on her knees and placed her chin in her palms, "Well, go on."

"There was definitely a connection you know? I felt it, he felt it, I'm pretty sure the woman next to us felt it. So at the end of the night, before he left, I asked him out."

Charlie's head shot up "That's awesome Cas! God, I didn't want to say anything, but I was starting to worry about you. I mean, Adam has been gone for over two years and you didn't even like him that much. I was wondering when you'd finally-"

"He turned me down, Charlie." He cut her off sharply.

" _What_?"She all but yelled. Around the office, people stopped what they were working, raising their heads to see who'd had such an outburst and what it had been about. Charlie ducked her head low "What?" She repeated much softer.

Charlie's reaction had been very reminiscent of how Cas had wanted to respond the moment Dean had initially told him no. They were obviously perfect for one another, even Charlie could see it and she hadn't even been near them that night. Of course, all she had to go by was Cas' version of the story, but still. Cas let out a sigh. So far, recapping the event hadn't helped him get over it at all. If anything, repeating what had happened out loud only made it seem that much more absurd that Dean hadn't wanted to at least give Cas a chance. His only remaining hope was maybe Charlie could at least offer him some advice as to what he should do next.

"But, I thought you said..." She trailed off.

"Yea, I did. I don't know what happened?" Cas admitted "And it's eating me alive."

"Did he say why?" Charlie asked, still completely baffled.

"He said he was no good for me." Cas' brow creased, trying to recall all that Dean had said "Actually, I think he said he said he was no good for anybody?"

"Ooooh, brooding." Charlie smirked and narrowed her eyes "That's kind of hot."

"Everything about him was kind of hot." Cas groaned "Why the hell do I care so much about this Charlie?"

At this point, Cas was ready to do just about anything to put an end to his pitiful behavior.

"Cas, anybody who got snubbed the way you did would be just as miserable." His friend reassured him.

For all her thoughtless yammering, Charlie really was good at knowing exactly what to say to Cas when he needed hear it most. It was just one more reason he loved her so much.

"Didn't you say he worked for Bobby?" She continued.

Cass nodded.

"Look, I know you're not one to press the issue, but if I were in your situation, I'd want answers and you obviously do too. Why don't you just go see him? You could fake car trouble or something and go to Bobby's to get it looked at. As long as you're there, who says you can't have a conversation with your mechanic? And who says that conversation can't be about why they hell did you lead me on then bail?"

At times, Cas was almost positive Charlie was a genius. The solution to his problem had been so simple he was almost embarrassed that he hadn't thought if it before now. After Cas confronted Dean about the way he'd reacted to his suggestion, he could finally get some peace. There was only one problem.

"But I don't have a car?"

Charlie shrugged, "Take mine. It's been parked in my apartment's structure for so long, I'm sure he'll be able to find something wrong with it."

"And you're sure it won't seem too desperate?" Cas didn't want to come across as needy.

"Hell no. You deserve some answers." Charlie stated defiantly as she scooted across the floor back to her desk.

Cas followed her lead. They really had been talking for a long time now, and needed to try to get at least some work done today. Even as he returned to his station, Castiel was beginning to feel some better about everything. He began clicking almost happily at the numbers on the keyboard. His mood didn't last very long though, as new unwanted amounts of nervous energy and anxiety began uncoiling in his stomach at the thought of seeing Dean again in a few hours. Cas worked all through lunch, feeling like the butterflies in his stomach were taking up any room there might have been for food.

At the end of the day, he walked with Charlie back to her apartment building to retrieve her vehicle. It sat in the far corner of the parking structure, looking like a cold, metal monster crouched in a state of deep hibernation that Cas wasn't excited to disturb it from. He could drive, he just preferred not to.  
Charlie opened the driver's side door to reach in and pull her keys out of the sun visor.

"All yours," She tossed them to Cas "Good luck."

Cas had only spoken to Bobby a few times at Ellen's. And since he had no car to give him trouble, he didn't readily know exactly where Singer's Auto Repair was located. So before he left, Charlie looked up the address using her cellphone and wrote it down for Cas on a used napkin she'd found in the floor board of the car.  
Now, he was driving cautiously through the side streets of New York City attempting to find the place where Dean worked. He kept glancing down at the address, then back up to the signs signifying which street he was on, the back to the road, then napkin, then sign, napkin, road.

The anxious feeling beginning to heat up his insides wasn't helping Cas' disdain for being behind the wheel at all. He couldn't possibly concentrate on where he was knowing he would be near Dean again so soon. He realized, with terror, that he hadn't even began planning what he was going to say. Of course he had his goal of closure in mind, but he wasn't sure how to bring about in conversation what he wanted to ask. _'Could you take a look at my brakes? Also, why don't you like me?'_ Social interaction had never been his forte, and how was he suppose to keep from completely forgetting every societal norm he'd ever learned with stunning green eyes looking at him the whole time?

Several wrong turns and one narrowly avoided nervous breakdown later, Cas could finally see the rusty metal sign reading 'Singer's' a few feet ahead of him. He eased into the parking lot of the establishment and turned off the car's ignition. He'd never had to do any of this before, so he wasn't exactly clear on the proper procedures of bringing one's automobile in for a tune up. Cas pulled out the keys and stuffed them in his pocket before climbing out of the vehicle and heading towards what appeared to be the building's lobby area.

Much to his relief, Cas walked in to find Bobby sitting behind a rickety looking wooden desk with his feet propped up on top of it, clicking through the channels on a small television set that was mounted on the wall over the front door. The older man hurried to compose himself at the sound of the bell hung above the door tinkling as Cas opened and shut it behind him.

"What can I do for you?" Bobby spat automatically. When he recognized who it was that had come in, his expression changed to one of confusion, "Cas?" He said, cocking his head. He stood to move from behind the shabby desk.

"Hey Bobby." Cas greeted him sheepishly. He debated whether he should lie about why he was here. He could say he'd gotten lost on his way to a friend's place and needed directions.

Bobby picked up the remote and clicked the TV overhead off so he and Cas could talk without distraction. With the room now almost totally silent, Cas secretly wished Bobby had just left the thing on.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you or anything, but, what're you doing here Cas?" Bobby could always be counted on to be frank.

"I, um, my car. I think something's wrong with my car." Cas tried to pull the keys out of his pocket. Of course they got stuck.

Bobby watched Cas as he tugged the keys free from the lining of his front pocket and held them up. "I thought when I told you I owned this place you said you didn't drive?"

"No, I mean, Yes, I can drive I just normally don't like to. I think I told you I didn't have a car? But I bought one, and I think it might need to be looked at?"

"Just bought it and already it's breaking down huh?" Bobby raised his ball-cap and scratched his head using his thumb, "Figures. How these car lots get away with selling such pieces of shit I'll never know." He complained, buying Cas' story wholly. "Well, what do you figure's wrong with it?"

Cas hadn't taken into account that if he brought a car into an auto repair shop, the people working on it might actually want to know what they were supposed to be fixing. He racked his brain, trying to recall anything he knew about cars and how they worked and what might break. In a moment of panic, he said the first thing that came to his mind.

"I think the oil needs to be changed." Aside from the need to filled with gas, the occasional oil change was the only kind of maintenance Cas knew for a fact cars required.

"The oil? You think they'd at least change the damn _oil_ before selling someone a hunk of junk." Bobby vented, and Cas wondered how many 'new cars' Bobby had seen come into his shop with problems. Judging by the way he was reacting, Cas assumed the number was probably higher than it should be.

"Anyway," The older man sighed "Go ahead and drive it around back to the garage. I've only got one guy working this evening," He paused to internally consider something, his face drawing into a slight frown "But, since all you need's an oil change, I guess it don't matter. Oil change'll be easy."

Cas nodded "Alright, thank's Bobby."

As he walked back to Charlie's car, Cas was beginning to realize how poorly thought out this plan was. Bobby had said there was only one mechanic working in the garage tonight. Only one mechanic, and what were the odds that it was Dean? Cas closed his eyes, there was a reason he usually meticulously planned things out, and one of them was to be able to avoid situations like this where he had no idea how to act or what to do or what to say.

He turned the car on and slapped it in drive, slowly pulling around to the back of the building just like Bobby had told him to. Part of him was glad there was a chance he might not have to confront Dean today. But there was also another part of Cas, deep down inside, that wanted him to cross every finger he hand on both hands in hopes that the only mechanic working tonight would have short blonde hair and smell like cologne and whiskey.

The vehicle rolled into the open door of the garage. Cas put it in park and turned it off, he scanned the area, still seated inside the car. It looked empty. Cas couldn't see any mechanic, Dean or not, around anywhere to help him. He opened his door and climbed out of of the vehicle, the pungent odor of countless different motor fluids filled his nostrils and made his eyes water.

"Hello?" He called into the stillness. For a moment, silence was the only thing that answered him back. Cas took in the sight of the vacant repair shop one last time, at least no one could say he hadn't tried today. Obviously, it just wasn't meant for him to have this conversation with Dean today. He grasped the edge of the open driver's door, ready to get back into the car and drive away.

The sound of a door being flung open from the far right side of the garage nearly caused Cas to jump out of his shoes.

"Sorry! Closing up!" Came a low bass voice from inside whatever room the door led to.

Cas recognized the voice long before he saw the stout figure of a blonde haired man clad in oil stained coveralls coming out of the doorway. His face was turned down, focusing on wiping his grimy hands clean with a dirty towel, but Cas knew if he were to look up, he'd find himself staring into the most mesmerizing green irises in existence.

"If you come back tomorrow, we open at nine. Somebody can help you then." Dean was making his way across the room, he still hadn't looked up.

Cas' mouth went dry. He shifted nervously from one foot to the other as he watched Dean turn his back to him to dig through a drawer of small, polished, industrial bits. Seeing that he was completely oblivious as to who it was who'd come in for assistance, Cas cleared his throat, somewhat loudly, trying to gain Dean's attention.

He looked up from the drawer and over his shoulder once, then twice, before finally realizing it was Cas who'd driven in so late. Dean stopped looting through the cabinet to face the dark-haired man fully, not saying anything just staring, letting the filthy rag hand limp in his left hand.

"Hey." Cas choked out.

"Hi." Dean answered, continuing to stare, shocked and suspicious.

Even if he'd planned out what he would say, standing in Dean's presence made Cas realize it wouldn't have mattered anyway. They both stood in uncomfortable silence for several seconds as Cas tried to remember words and how they were supposed to be used. He swallowed hard, trying to force speech to return to him but it felt as if someone had wired his jaw shut.

Dean ended up being the first to break the silence. He looked from Cas to the car behind him, "If you need something fixed, you'd be better off just bringing it in tomorrow." He said, slinging the towel over his shoulder. "There'll be more people, and the job'll get finished a lot quicker."

"Um, I just need an oil change." Cas looked down at the car and back at Dean "Bobby said to come on around, that it shouldn't take too long anyway."

Dean shook his head, considering what Cas had just told him. "No, an oil change wont take long." He paused, and for a moment, Cas thought he might turn him away, but he walked over to the vehicle "Care to pop the hood?"

"Yea, sure." Cas ducked his upper body inside the cab and found the button below the steering wheel that released the seal on the hood of the car.

Dean raised the heavy sheet of metal above his head and secured it so that it wouldn't slam shut again. He hooked his finger through the rod that ran down to the oil tank and pulled it out. Cas watched his every move as he took the rag from his shoulder and ran it along the dip stick, in one fluid movement, Dean reinserted the gauge into the filter, pulled it out again and inspected it. He smirked.

"So, just an oil change?"

"Yea." Cas nodded quickly "If that's alright?"

Dean let the hood slam shut "Sure, no problem. You can wait inside with Bobby if you want while I work."

"You said it shouldn't take long?"

Dean shook his head "Shouldn't."

"Then I'll just stay out here if I won't be in the way."

"Suit yourself." Dean shrugged. He jacked up the car so he could fit beneath it easily and grabbed the tools he would need. Next, he rolled a long, plastic creeper out from beneath one of the shelves that was covered in wrenches and stray auto parts, and laid down on it. "There's a chair over in the corner if you wanna sit in it." He told Cas before disappearing under the vehicle.

Cas heard Dean immediately begin working once he was out of sight. He spotted the chair he'd mentioned, all dusty and folded up against the corner wall, and went to retrieve it. To his relief, having Dean working where he was unable to see him seemed to take an immense amount of pressure away from the situation. Cas brought the chair closer to Charlie's car and sat down. He listened to the clicking of tools and the scraping of metal and would have been content to do so for the rest of the evening. But he knew he had to keep in mind the reason he came and his stomach twisted a new knot.

He wanted to ease into the subject, to hopefully be able to bring it up within the natural flow of a conversation that began about something else. The problem was, Cas couldn't see past his burning questions to be able to think of anything else to talk about. He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there, but the perceived urgency of the situation was making it feel like so much time had already passed.

Meanwhile, beneath the car, it sounded like Dean was beginning to have some sort of trouble. Cas could hear grunting and murmured swears coming from below, and then the sound of metal hitting concrete as a shiny, metallic wrench bounced out from beneath the car and skidded to rest in front of Cas' feet.

"Dammit." Came Dean's disembodied voice "Scoot that back over here, would ya?"

Cas gingerly picked up the tool "Sure," He walked it over to where Dean was laboring and stooped to hand it to him, "Here."

"Thanks." Dean accepted the object and resumed his task.

Cas stood, but did not return to his chair. Now, he decided, now was when he had to do this; ready or not. He still had no idea what he was going to say, so he opened his mouth and hoped for the best.

"So," He began "How was the rest of your weekend?" Cas wanted to slap himself even as the phrase left his mouth. His only saving grace was the fact that Dean was unable to see the pained expression he now wore.

The metallic sounds coming from under the car paused briefly, before starting back up again.

" It was alright."

"That's good." Cas squeezed his eyes shut and pressed a hand to his forehead, "Do anything interesting?"

What was he doing?

"Nah, not really. Stayed at home mostly." There was a wet popping noise, then the sound of thick fluid being drained.

"Oh," Cas kept his eyes closed and beat the heel of his palm lightly against his skull "Same here." He lied.

Cas let his hand fall limply to his side and looked up at the sky. He had to do this, at this point, he'd come to far not to.

"Hey Dean," No turning back now "Can I ask you something?"

A pause. A sigh. Then, finally:

"Sure, Cas. Shoot."

The courage Cas had needed to ask Dean out the first time was nothing compared to the amount he was having to build up now.

"Friday...we had such a good time. I really like you. You said you like me. So..." He inhaled "why'd you turn me down?"

Dean rolled out from beneath the vehicle, squinting at Cas as his eyes re-adjusted to light after working in the shadows for the last several minutes.  
"I thought all you came for was an oil change?" He kept his tone friendly, but Cas could sense his irritability.

"I do need an oil change. But, who says I can't have a conversation with my mechanic while I wait?" He pulled from his earlier conversation with Charlie.

Dean crossed the room to open a cabinet filled with several different types of motor oil. He trailed his finger across each row before selecting one of the bottles.  
"Don't you think it's a little dangerous distracting the person trying to work on the vehicle you drive every day?" He said, reading the labels on the front of the plastic container.

Cas frowned. Why did he insist on making this any more difficult than it already was? How hard could it be to just give him a direct answer, instead of responding to everything with snide questions? He'd came here for closure, not more things to add to his list of confusing Dean behavior.

"Don't you think someone you led on all night at least deserves to know why you turned them down?" Two could play at this game, Cas decided.

Dean walked back over to where the car was suspended, lowered the jack, and reopened the hood, "Kind of defeats the purpose of leading someone on, don't you think?" He began funneling oil into the filter, never looking in Cas' direction.

Anger flared within Cas.

"Look, Dean, I get it." He was losing his patience "Coming here was stupid, and petty, and desperate, but I feel like you owe me some kind of explanation for Friday. I mean, don't _you_ feel like what you did was kind of shitty?"

Dean slammed the car's hood shut once more, "Jesus Cas, have you never been turned down before in your life?" He turned to toss the empty oil container in the trash.

"Of course I have," Cas fumed "Just never by someone who openly admitted to liking me first. That doesn't even make any sense Dean, and it's been bugging the shit out of me! I just wanna know why? If you like me, why don't you want to give us a shot?"

Castiel was close to being irate. He knew later, after he calmed down, he'd be embarrassed by his behavior but something about Dean, and the way he avoided his questions and refused to give him any solid answers, made him absolutely furious.

"I told you Cas, I'm no good for you, and I meant it."

"What the hell is that even supposed to mean Dean?"

Dean laughed and leaned against the car, crossing his arms, "You just said yourself, not five minutes ago, what I did was shitty. So what makes you think I'm not always just a shitty person huh?"

"Is that what you meant? That you're an ass hole?"

"Cas, can you just let it go? Please?" Dean pleaded, bewildered.

"No." Cas crossed his own arms over his chest "No, I want to know what you meant."

Dean pushed off the car to stand up straight. He unfolded his arms and took a step towards Cas who was shorter than him, he noticed, but not by much. His crystal blue eyes were narrowed angrily and he kept his arms crossed defensively. Dean sighed.

"I meant that you seem like a really good person." His voice was much softer now. He wasn't angry, not at Cas anyway. Truth be told, this was all his fault; he should have never let their encounter at the bar unfold the way it had. Dean did like Cas, and he didn't want to see him hurt. "You're sincere and interesting and attractive and you've got a nice life. And I'm no good, and you deserve better."

Cas still didn't understand what Dean was trying to tell him, but he genuinely didn't believe the other man was a bad person. Normally, he would have wanted time to think about what Dean had just said. He would want to consider his options and weigh the pro's and con's and maybe discuss things with Charlie. But standing there with Dean made him want to be bold, so, Castiel made a decision.

"I know what I deserve Dean," He said "And I know what I want. I'm an adult, I don't need you to make those choices for me."

Dean gazed downward, shaking his head, but Cas was determined. Whatever he had to say when he looked back up wouldn't make a difference; Cas was prepared to fight for what he wanted. But when Dean raised his head, his eyes were scrunched up at the edges, and his top row of perfectly white, straight teeth were showing. Cas could even hear him chuckling as he placed his hands on his hips.

"You're one stubborn son of a bitch, aren't you?"

Cas knitted his eyebrows together, but couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips "When the situation calls for it."

Dean looked back up at him, half his mouth drawn upward. There would be no convincing Cas to leave, not tonight anyway, he knew that. And if he were being honest with himself, he didn't want him to.

"Alright," He conceded "Let's go then,"

Cas' expression changed to one of confusion, "Go where?" His arms began unfolding on their own.

"I'm gonna take you out," Dean answered "On a date."

"Now? On a Monday night?" Cas asked shocked. He wasn't ready to go on a date, he was still wearing his stuffy work attire.

"Well, I let my opportunity get away over the weekend didn't I?" Dean unzipped and stepped out of his coveralls revealing a plain black tee-shirt and worn out blue jeans "Don't wanna do that twice, so, no time like the present."

Cas blinked, ready to protest, when he realized he was about to get what he really wanted all along. So what if it was a weekday?

"Okay," He grinned triumphantly "Are you finished with it?" He gestured to the car, now filled with fresh oil "Do you want to drive?"

Dean looked at Cas, horrified, and shook his head "Oh no. No offense Cas, but I'm not driving that thing. My car's parked out front."

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for reading the first chapter of my story 'Through the Cracks' I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it! Also, I just wanted to say I am new to AO3 and if there are a few mistakes in my formatting or what have you, that is likely the reason why so please bear with me. Updates should be coming every Wednesday and if I am ever unable to update I will try and let you all know the week before :) Have a wonderful day!


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